NapjunkieMom

Robert was in fine form this morning. As he was getting dressed, he kept singing, "I am Mexi-co-co-co." And then he spent the rest of the time referring himself as "Me weirdo", as in "Me weirdo needs to wake Jonny up." "Me weirdo loves weirdo mom". Weirdo mom is blessed to have such a weirdo boy.

Dear, dear Jon decided to tell Santa that this year that he wants a "sack of hammers so he can hit himself with them". It could have been worse: "I want a sack of hammers so I can hit my mother, over there, that fat one in the red sweater." (Sigh)

Jon has been watching too many cartoons. His conversations have been peppered with phrases such as "I'm going to hammer your head!" or "I'm going to throw a tomato in your face!." Today's tops them all: "I'm going to clean your catbox!"

Robert took one look at last nights dinner and said, "That's ugly."

I was carrying a kitchen size trash bag in my hands and Jon asked, "Is that my trick or treat bag?"

For some reason, Jim was tormenting us by making us listen to "krautrock" this evening. Jon's opinion: "This music is unforgivable."

Jon is learning to write his letters in preschool. Last Friday, he turned in his first homework assignment. On Monday, he declared, "Ah, a day without homework!", like he'd been spending his whole life doing homework.

We were leaving the Pokemon League today and Jon said, "I didn't lose my mojo."

Jim: "Get in the bathtub." Robert: "Speak to my lawyer." Robert: "Let's have a sleepover." Jon: "Let's have a sleepapart." Mary: "What was that noise?" Jon: "My tailfin."

I asked Jon what he wanted for breakfast this morning, and he smiled and said, "Your heart." Thankfully, he settled for frosted mini-wheats.

I was trying to get a few things together for a meeting I have this evening, and Jon was insisting, in a very loud voice, that he needed candy. I suggested, in a clear and precise voice, that he needed to find himself a healthy snack in the fridge. As he opened the fridge, he said, "I hate my life." Later, he did say, without prompting, "A healthy snack is a delicious snack."

I think Jon may have outgrown his playgroup. He didn't want to play on the little kid's playground today, and I asked him if it was because he was the oldest kid there. "Yeah, I'm the oldest, but I am the second craziest." Who is the craziest, you ask? "The babies."

We were driving to Bloomington and the boys were keeping themselves busy playing Pokemon. We'd hear such commands as "Headbutt" or "Rollout" or "Poisonpowder", when suddenly Jon said, "Show your undies!"

Jon was sitting at the dinner table, when he suddenly starting saying, "Lemon-lade, get your lemon-lade!" (For some reason, he has always pronounced lemonade that way). "Lemon-lade....No barf, no fat, just fruit...Lemon-lade!"

Jon was standing, and leaning back, on a chair. I told him he shouldn't do that because he'd hurt his head and cry. "Like a baby?" he asked. Then he said wistfully, "Just like old times."

Jon was waiting, impatiently, for dessert this evening. He banged his spoon on the table and chanted, "Where's my sorbet? Where's my sorbet?"

Jon was discussing with Robert a featured item on his diner menu: The Super Amazing Hotdog: It consists of one delicious hotdog on two slices of bread topped with bacon. Yummm.

We were on my brother's pontoon boat, and I asked in anyone wanted anything from our stash of snacks. Jon spoke up and said, "I want a cappuccino."

Robert and Jon were playing Hot Wheels and having some serious tough guy talk. Robert: "Okay, where's my friend?" Jon: "You need to give me money before I tell you" Robert: "I need to know where he is..." Jon: "He's at the goofy fashion store." Robert, kind of perplexed: "What's he doing at the goofy fashion store?" Jon: "Getting goofy fashions like the rest of us."

Robert was spending an especially long time finding himself a snack and there was much rustling of wrappers. I finally had to go see what he was getting. He had taken out the candied ginger. I told him he could have a little bit if he wanted. He said, "Oh, I already had a little bit." "Okay, so where's the rest of it?" Back in the bag, of course. Yuck.

"I need candy to live!" "Don't take away my pillow! I need my beauty sleep." "We're faster than a donut."

For some reason, Robert was saying, "Are you dead yet, Charlie Brown?" What a morbid little fellow.

Jon and Robert were playing with Hot Wheels, and I heard Jon say "I'm my own grandpa."

I was trying to get the kids excited about Easter dinner, so I recited all of the things we were going to have: "Ham, deviled eggs, potato salad, cherry fluff, and carrot cake." Jon said "How about a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and some chips?"

Jon created a new game: ChaCha Dance Wall Race, which is pretty much like it sounds. You cha cha while running into the wall and racing at the same time.

Jon was upset about something, and I said, "Don't be so dramatic". He replied, "Don't take the drama away."

Jon said to Robert (in the midst of one of their many Hot Wheels scenarios), "I am going to kill you!" I said, "I don't like that language." He very slyly replied, "You don't like English?"

Jon went to a bowling party, and every time he knocked down a pin, he lifted up his arms and said "Victory!"

We were discussing Hot Wheels (again) and I mentioned a scene in one of the movies. Jon said, "Good times...good times."

We were discussing space travel, and Robert mentioned that the first creature in space was a dog. I asked him if he knew what the dog's name was, and he said "Dead dog".

We went to a old-fashioned hardware store the other day, and Jon said, "This looks like an old-fashioned store." He's only four and a half. What does he know about old-fashioned?

I was at school with Robert celebrating Dr. Seuss' birthday. I was listening to one of his classmates read "Ten Apples Up On Top" and we were discussing the how much of the book just wasn't very believable--first there is a lion and tiger in a suburban neighborhood, one of the animals was walking on a telephone wire, etc. She said,"Yeah, and this tree has been toppled over...only Bigfoot could do that, oh, and God, God could do that too."

I was putting Jon to bed last night, and he said "Stay with me..." and I thought he was going to say "until I go to sleep", but he said "Stay with me until I power down." And within five seconds, he powered down. Easiest. Bedtime. Ever.

Robert has figured out that my memory isn't always in tip-top shape, so he's begun to use that to his advantage (or at least try to). He needed to think up a question for a school assignment and I was to write it down. After much discussion about how he didn't have a question, he suddenly said, "But I told you my question! Why didn't you write it down?" I told him he was full to the brim with baloney.

Jim stumbled upon a secret I've kept for several months. I have an alternate email address. It is momofevilgenius@gmail.com. The name made me laugh when I first thought of it, so I decided to claim it as my own. And I'd really like to have a bumpersticker that says "My child is an evil genius at Burris Laboratory School"

Jon has been completely brainwashed by TV. (And whose fault is that?) I was complaining because I had forgotten to return DVDs to the library, and would have to pay a dollar fine for each one. Jon piped up, "With Netflix you don't have any late fees."

We were waiting on Robert to get out of school, and Jon was sitting in the front seat with me, looking in the rearview mirror. "Look at me--so young and happy", he said. Then we had a conversation about whether I was young and happy.

Jon had just had some cinnamon sugar toast. After he washed his face, I told him, "Looks like you washed your sweet cheeks". He said "You are a sweet chick."

Jim and I traded cars. I had an appointment, and he was taking the boys home. They pulled behind me and I waved. I found out later that Jon said "Looking good, mom!" when he saw me wave.

Here's a gem from Jim: To mention another neat thing the boys have been into, they've both been really into the Babar book. I think we read the whole book together over a two week period. Yesterday I got one of the stories in the original French on interlibrary loan and read it to them. Robert was fascinated. Jonathan said I was "blowing his mind" and begged me to read it in "a better language."

We were having a lazy Saturday morning, and Jonathan was laying in our bed. He said "My boogers are asleep". Well, I thought that was a good thing for them to do, but apparently, they had other plans. He proceeded to tell me all about the day the "Booger Brothers" were having: eating breakfast, playing video games. No mention of cleaning up their room.

Jon isn't the only one who says bizarre things around the house. After Robert's changed into his pajamas(and while I was sitting quietly, reading a magazine) he came out yelling "UUUUUUNIVERSE, UUUUUUNIVERSE,UUUUUUNIVERSE..."

I was talking with Jon and called him "Jon Danger". He said, "That's not my name!" "So, what is it?" "Wooden Lightswitch".

I gave Jon some yogurt in a small bowl, and when he finished, he wanted some more. "And make it a double."

I was driving Jon to school and he asked if I smelled something. I didn't, thank goodness, so I said "No, do you smell something?". He said no. Just then, we drove past Baskin-Robbins, and he said "I smell ice cream!"

Jonathan's newest name change: Jonathan James "Dangerous" H.

Over the holiday, we got in the habit of telling scary (or silly) stories after lights out. Jonathan told an especially scary story that began, "Once upon a time, there was a little boy who didn't flush the toilet..." I was scared out of my wits!