NapjunkieMom

Jon wants to have a "popcorn party", where one of the games would be "Have you ever been killed by butter"?

I finally have Jon figured out. He just strings together words for no apparent reason, such as "federal governors can't be choosers."

Jon and Jim went to a volleyball game and came back with leis.  I said, "Oh, that's so cute.  We should put one on Romeo for Halloween."  "Yeah," said Jon,  "he could go as a cat with the Hawaiian cat flu."

Jon is running through the house, making car noises, and Robert yells at him, "Snap out of it!"

Heard during a scuffle, "For the love of Donkey Kong, get off me!"

Jim was discussing with Robert whether he preferred playing offense or defense. Jon piped up and said, "Can I play over the fence?"

Jon's suggestion for an appropriate school lunch:  a sugar-cube sandwich.

Robert said, "I call the last piece of ice cream cake." Pause "I call it 'Fred'".

I have two things that I ask the boys to do when they get home:  put their lunch sacks in the kitchen and leave their homework and other papers out for me to see.  I asked Jon what I wanted him to do, and he said, "Hang up my backpack and whine and cry?"

Jon yells, for no discernible reason, "MOM!  It's all your fault."  I think to myself, "Why, because I gave birth to you?"  He continues, "For giving birth to me!"

One of Jon's friends wrote him a very polite note requesting that he write her back, since she has sent him a couple notes without a response.  I mentioned it would be the nice thing to do, and he said, "I'll write her a note.  A ransom note!"

I was having a sweet moment with Jon last night, and said, "I can't believe you are going to be seven."  And he said, "I can believe you stink."

Jon was looking at Twitter with me and said, "Only 140 characters? I thought there was 150! Ripoff!"

Jon:  "What's a Momma-gram".

Robert:  "Don't eat the Death Pepper."

Jon:  "Why don't we have a mechanical bull?"

Jon decided that he wants to be a professional photo-bomber. I had to explain that no actual bombs are involved

Jon wants to be a pizza delivery ninja when he grows up.

Jon was talking to Jim on the phone, and paused to say, "I have a call on another line.  Beeeeeeeep!"

I didn't realize how much of life my children have not experienced, until we went to Gatlinburg and the kids' ooh ed and aah ed about the escalators.  Wouldn't have been so bad but some other tourists noticed.

We had just had a nice lunch and ice cream at Ivanhoe's, and were driving back home when Jon asked, "What is vomit?".  That had me worried, so I asked him why he wanted to know.  "Is vomit the same as barf?"  Jim perked up and I tried to shush him before he started to opine on the many words that are synonymous with vomit.  "Well, there is my favorite, upchuck." Jim said.  And I said, "There are many, many words that we don't have to list right after lunch."  "Oh, you mean like head poop?"  Jon said.

I was taking a nap, powering up for a stint at Chuck E. Cheese, when Jon came in and decided to take a nap too.  That lasted less than a minute, then he got out the yoga mat, and decided to do a pose.  I didn't realize he knew yoga, so I asked him the name of his pose.  He was flat on his back with his arms outstretched.  The name: Fallen Tree.

We had a cook-out, and as we were eating, Jon said, "Someone greased my wiener."  Funny this was, he was eating a hamburger.  Turns out Garfield the cat said that in one of the thousand of strips Jon has memorized.

Jon says:  "Don't call me darling, call me Boss!"

Jon was showing off for an older girl by using his math skills.  They went from 1 + 1 to 16 + 16.  When they got to 16 + 16, Jon said, "32", and the girl, who looked to be about 12 or 13, said, "Nope, you're wrong, it's 28."  Then she and her family left.  I did tell Jon that he had gotten it right.

Jon was playing at an indoor play place and a 3 year old boy came up to him and started playing with him.  Jon started stomping his feet on the plastic floor and said, "Let me show you how a professional does it."

I asked the boys if they wanted any scrambled eggs for breakfast.  Jon said, "No, but I'll have some limboing pancakes."

Our trees are filled with the usual morning time bird busyness and noise.  Jon walked out  to the car and yelled, "WHO TURNED ON THE BIRDS?"

Jon has been combing his own hair in the morning.  He likes to call the result his "perfecto hair".

We saw a little girl tonight that was on Jon's soccer team last fall.   She said "Hi" to him and he threw up his hands and said, "I surrender!

I bought some wheat grass for the cat, and Robert decided to try some.   His review:  "That's good grass."

Jon was chewing a piece of bubble gum, and said, "Still has that artificial flavor!"

Jon enjoyed some Skittles and didn't have enough to share, so I told him not to mention it or breathe on his brother.  We arrived home and Robert says, "Something smells fishy".  (I made salmon loaf for dinner).  Jon says, "Something smells Skittle-y."

Robert had his physical yesterday, and Jon followed the doctor around to make sure he didn't make any mistakes.  He spent a long time looking over the computer chart too.

Jon asked the cashier at Marsh if they had any "freshly baked kitten".  I had to clarify that indeed, my child had asked for "freshly baked kitten".  The bagger also wondered what was said, so for the third time that day, the words "freshly baked kitten" were uttered.

Our cat Romeo was sitting up when Jon decided to use The Force on him.  Being startled, the cat fell over.  Jon has been trying to recreate that magical moment ever since.

I was reading a news roundup on my email, when I told the guys, "Hummingbirds have been sighted in Indiana!"  Jon asked me, "Did God send you that email?"

Jon was walking around the house touching things and saying, "This is in 3D, this is in 3D."  Then he said, "Mom, did you know that paper is in 3D?"

We ate at Sitara Indian restaurant this evening.  The waiter asked Jon if he liked his meal.  He said, "Sooey Mama, that was good!"

Jon lost his first upper tooth sometime during the night.  That's the second tooth he has swallowed.

Robert was watching Jon's kindergarten musical, when they started singing "Honey, honey, better than money."  He said, "There's a flaw in that logic."

"Mom, cats are quiet.  Is that why you like them?" "Why do cats stare?  Don't they know it is bad manners to stare?" "Cats are cute." "Cats are really cute." "Have I told you how cute I thinks cats are?"

Jon was retelling a story told to him by one of his kindergarten pals, and said, "But he's not a reliable source."

We were looking at my Valentine's day chocolates and Robert noticed that some of them had R's on them. "Those have my name on them," he said.  I said, "What do you think they're filled with, roast beef?"

I was chatting with my brother on Facebook, and mentioned Jon.  He was watching as I typed and said, "Thanks for spelling my name right."

Jon:  "Which do you like better, crickets or spiders?"  Me:  "Crickets."  Jon:  "What if the spider brought you a cup of coffee in bed every morning?"

I got some samples from the dentist today, and Jon asked what kind I received.  "Did you get Aquafresh or Peanutbutter Bottomfeeder?"  She was out of Peanutbutter Bottomfeeder.

I was making heart shaped cookies for "Cookie Communion" and had written on them "I LUV UU".  Jon looked at the container and said, "What do they say, TOUGH NUTS?"

Robert asked me this during his piano practice today:  "Who is the better composer:  Bach, Mozart or this Rubik's Cube?"

Robert has named the large snow pile in our church's parking lot as "Mount Falltoyourdoom".

Both children, but especially Jon, have a morbid streak.   After the umpteenth mention of cannibalism, I said, "How did I get such a morbid child?"  Jon's answer:  "You drank beer when I was in your tummy."  My response:  "Number one I don't drink beer, and number two, I gave you a book about where babies come from.  Didn't you read it?"

Jon asked me about dogs, and why there were so many different kinds.  I told him that the big ones were bred for guarding and other kinds of work.  "What are the little ones for?" "The littles ones are for companionship, because you don't want a 150 lb. dog on your lap."  "What about the kind that come on buns?"

Jon made his own valentines for his classmates this year.  Most of them said, "Happy Valentine's Day" or the more effusive "Happy Valentine's Day, dude".  For a special few, he wrote down things he knew they liked, so a couple of Valentines said simply, "Hockey" or "2 hour delay"

They grow up so fast.   One day they are playing with Legos, and the next they are forming rock bands.    Jon's band is "Snake Battle" and Robert's band is "Alien Octopus".

Robert is sitting at his computer and singing, "I'm a big fan of nachos, and everybody knows it."

Jon had just got back from soccer practice and wanted a second breakfast.  "How about oatmeal?" I asked.  "No, I want something more manly--toast with cinnamon and sugar," he replied.

I like to show off my crazy morning hairstyles to the kids.  This morning, I had a sharkfin/ponytail 'do.  I asked Robert if he liked it, and he said, "I love you , Mom."

Robert sang this to me this morning, "Everyone thinks you're old, except Dad, who's older."

Saturday night we were all wiped out from having a fun time at church.  I was laying in bed, when I heard Robert start singing.  He was singing at the top of his lungs, and, at first, I couldn't make out the words.  Turns out he was singing a song he made up, "This is that  last loud song of the night!"

As their mother prepares for an weather emergency, the boys decide the most pressing issue for them is to play as much Wii as possible, in case the electricity goes out.

Jon to Robert:  "Would you rather go to school, or jump in a lake of acid?" After thinking a moment, Robert said, "If it was a lake of vinegar."

Jon:  Do you think ninja school is a waste of time?

Robert thought it was a grand idea to stick a broken pull tab (from a soda can) between his front teeth, while I was driving.  It was stuck for a few minutes, until he managed to get it out of his teeth.  I told him to throw it out of the car window.  We never throw trash out the car window, but I thought I was in serious danger of losing my mind, especially if he decided to do it again, or swallow it accidentally.

We spent most of the day out, first at IHOP, and then at Chuck E. Cheese.  As we were pulling into the garage, Robert declared, "The whole day wasted!".   His anguished tone made me believe he was serious.  My bulging eyeballs made him think I was serious.  Fortunately for all, he wasn't serious.